people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
