Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
there is glitter all over my balls
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
