after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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