Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All the doctor said was why
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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