The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
