Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
