my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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