i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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