i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
