You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
