I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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