How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
