i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Your penis caused this!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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