I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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