I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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