Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
