my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I came so hard my ears popped.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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