Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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