Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
