let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
