erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize