Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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