remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
