You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
