i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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