Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
