Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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