I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
