yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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