I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
