marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
