I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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