Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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