You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
