Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
