Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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