dude i'm inner monologue high
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
