We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
