I don't think brook has ever known best
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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