Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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