Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
