new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
