I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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