god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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