Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
