I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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