I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
