i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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