Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
