i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
