Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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