If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
