i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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