I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
