Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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