This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
