Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
