YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
