i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
