I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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