I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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