It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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