If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
