She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
