my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
