He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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