I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
