Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
