We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
