I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
